Why talk about persuasion today?
Forty years ago, Robert Cialdini put into words what we were all doing without knowing it: influencing.
I had been deeply impressed by the simplicity of his theory, which I could clearly see at work all around me.
Its 7 principles of reciprocity, consistency, rarity, authority, social proof, likeability and unity shaped the way marketers, salespeople and managers sought to get people to say “yes”.
I teach Cialdini’s levers in my “Speaking with Impact” courses. Participants are asked to sell us a project that’s hard to get across. The levers give them pillars on which to build their arguments. It gives them a sense of power to influence all types of personalities. So they love the exercise.
This text re-reads Cialdini’s principles in the light of leadership as I understand it: conscious and responsible.
Cialdini’s 7 principles
Before revisiting them, I’ll show you the original structure.
Cialdini formulated them based on the observation of universal human behaviors:
| Principle | Key idea | Marketing example |
|---|---|---|
| Reciprocity | We feel obliged to return a gift, a favor. | A free sample → more likely to buy. A free aperitif → more spending on the menu. |
| Consistency | We want to remain faithful to our commitments and to what we have announced (values, principles). | “You want to protect the planet? Then opt for this!” |
| Rarity | We value what is rare, we don’t want to miss an opportunity. What’s rare seems precious. | “Offer valid until tonight.” “X places left!” |
| Authority | We believe the experts, the scientists, the know-it-alls. | “Recommended by 9 out of 10 doctors.” |
| Social proof | We imitate others. We want to be included, not dissociated. We assume the masses are right. | “Over a million users.” “Our best sellers.” |
| Sympathy | We say yes to people we like, with whom we have affinities, the same tastes. | Advertising with an engaging personality. |
| Unity | We help those with whom we feel “one”, whose tribe or guild we share. | “Created by creators for creators.” |
In your daily life – and not just at work – you’re quick to spot Cialdini’s workings: seemingly innocent invitations, time-limited offers, compliments a little too well placed.
Neuroscience has largely explained why these mechanisms steer you towards “yes”, and how easy rewards – likes, clicks, micro-satisfactions – can short-circuit your thinking.
In organizations, it’s even more striking: the acceleration of demands and the complexity of processes saturate your attention. Convincing doesn’t quite have the same flavour: when you’re lined up with arguments so quickly, you don’t even have time to think… and the truth is, you sometimes realize afterwards: “Oh dear, I shouldn’t have said yes.”
These levers have become the basis of persuasive communication, with undeniable results in the short term.
But with the wrong intention – these keys to persuasion could awaken mistrust.
Cialdini’s “augmented” principles
As soon as I feel something at the level of my inner compass (humanistic if I had to call it that), the urge to seek awakens.
You know me: I love to learn, to read, to cross approaches. When I was revising my course on “expressing yourself with impact”, something really clicked: what if these levers stopped being an arsenal for getting people to say “yes” and became a more ethical, less mercantile, more relational way of making connections?
Since then, I’ve never presented Cialdini in the same way. When you use a tool of influence, what changes everything is your intention: are you seeking to take power over the other person, or to build power with them?
It’s with this in mind that I suggest you revisit these principles: to see how they are transformed when we leave the field of Power Over to enter into conscious leadership, on the side of Power With.
| Classic pillar | Contemporary reading | Inspirational reference |
|---|---|---|
| Reciprocity | ➤ From “I give to you, you give to me” to “I acknowledge your contribution”. Sincere gratitude creates far more commitment than implicit exchange. | Adam Grant – Give and Take |
| Coherence | ➤ From logic to alignment. What is expected is no longer simply coherent leaders, but leaders with integrity, whose values shine through in every decision. | Brené Brown – Dare to Lead |
| Rarity | ➤ From fear of missing out to clarity of choice. In a saturated world, true luxury is meaning: consciously choosing what you say yes to, and what you agree to say no to. | Greg McKeown – Essentialism |
| Authority | ➤ From status to credibility. Expertise alone is no longer enough: we follow those who listen and learn. | Frances Frei & Anne Morriss – *Unleashed: *The Unapologetic Leader’s Guide to Empowering Everyone Around You |
| Social proof | ➤ From mimicry to co-construction. Teams no longer need models: they want to be part of the model. | Frédéric Laloux – Reinventing Organizations |
| Sympathy | ➤ From seduction to sincerity. Charisma becomes a quality of presence that instills confidence. | Otto Scharmer – Theory U |
| Unit | ➤ From a simple sense of belonging to a shared culture. Unity cannot be decreed, it must be cultivated. | Edgar Schein – Organizational Culture and Leadership |
This evolution inspires something profound in me:
I have the impression that we need to move from a power of influence (power over: if I influence you, it’s because I know) to a power of reliance (power-with: let’s build together). This requires humility and the space to free ourselves from the escalation of time (see “leadership is language”, “red work”, “blue work”!).
1. Reciprocity → Acknowledge contribution
In marketing terms, reciprocity creates a form of debt: I gave you something, you owe me something.
In management, this contractual logic becomes toxic: it feeds power games, unspoken words and resentments.
Reinvented reciprocity is the explicit recognition of contribution.
Say:
- “I saw the care you put into that file.”
- “Without your preparation, the meeting wouldn’t have had this clarity.”
You don’t give to get. You give to make it visible, to legitimize it. And, paradoxically, this is what creates lasting commitment.
2. Coherence → Alignment and integrity
For a long time, we glorified rational consistency: a good leader is logical, consistent, predictable.
The problem is that the context moves faster than our decisions. You can remain perfectly consistent with what you decided six months ago… when reality has completely changed in the meantime. With the Cynefin framework, it looks like you’re applying a “logical” response to a situation that has become complex: your rational coherence of yesterday is simply invalidated by today’s reality.
What teams need today isintegrity:
- You announce transparency, but you also tell the bad news.
- You value life balance, you don’t glorify 11pm emails.
- You talk about trust, you accept to really delegate.
Alignment is when what you say, what you decide and what you embody tell the same story.
Brené Brown talks about integrity when you dare to choose what’s right, even at the cost of your own comfort. Your teams sense it immediately.
3. Rarity → Clear choices and priorities
The classic version of scarcity plays on the fear of missing out: hurry up, or you’ll miss your chance!
In management, this dynamic feeds permanent urgency, organizational FOMO: everything is a priority, everything is urgent, everything is “strategic”.
Contemporary leadership, on the other hand, relies on the scarcity of attention and quality time.
Your rare resource is not supply, it’s your ability to say:
- “That’s what we won’t do.”
- “This opportunity is seductive, but it doesn’t serve our course.”
Rarity becomes a filter for clarity: every yes you say is a hidden no to something else. Greg McKeown talks aboutessentialism: stop chasing every seductive opportunity to protect what’s really essential, and focus collective energy on what really makes an impact, rather than diluting everyone in ten mediocre worksites.
4. Authority → Credibility and humility
Old-style authority is based on status, title, diploma and technical expertise.
You see it every day: expertise is no longer enough to get people on board. This paradigm shift began with the arrival of Generation Y in the world of work, and is growing…
Modern credibility is built differently:
- you have experience, you are certainly competent
- but you also know how to say “I don’t know”,
- you ask questions,
- you really listen to your team’s weak signals
- you’re curious
We follow leaders who know how to challenge themselves without disintegrating, those who don’t need to crush others to exist. True leadership isn’t about you: it’s about empowering others and unleashing the full potential of the people around you.
Frei & Morriss show that trust is based on a trio: authenticity, logic and empathy. Logic” here simply means that your reasoning is understandable and your decisions make sense. Remove any one of the three, and authority collapses.
5. Social proof → Co-construction and appropriation
In marketing, social proof says: if everyone else is doing it, do it too.
In a complex environment, this copy-and-paste logic can become dangerous: you’re reproducing “best practices” that don’t correspond to your reality.
In leadership, social proof becomes co-construction:
- You don’t present your team with a turnkey model.
- You invite him to contribute, to adapt, to question.
- You build a frame, not a cage.
Teams no longer want to follow an ideal model out of a book: they want to participate in the creation of the local model, of “how we, here, are going to do it”.
This is the spirit of the organizations described by Frédéric Laloux in Reinventing Organizations: the structure becomes alive because the people who work in it continuously shape it.
6. Sympathy → Sincerity and presence
Sympathy used as a lever of persuasion quickly flirts with manipulation: a facade smile, “good delirium” on the surface, while decisions are made elsewhere, between a few people.
In leadership, it’s not enough to be likeable or to be liked; your teams expect sincerity.
This involves :
- a real presence at meetings (not eyes glued to your phone),
- the ability to hear disagreement without punishing it,
- the courage to name a tension without beating about the bush.
Charisma, in this context, is a quality of presence: the energy that flows when you’re fully aligned with what you’re saying. Otto Scharmer speaks of presence as a quality of attention that changes the conversation: when you’re really there, available to what’s emerging, it’s no longer you who’s trying to shine, it’s the situation that can evolve.
7. Unit → Living culture and shared responsibility
Finally, unity.
Marketing version: we’re all part of the same community, so buy like us.
Conscious leadership version : what kind of culture do we really want to nurture together?
Unity can’t be decreed by slogans or inspirational posters. It has to be built:
- in the way we talk to each other every day,
- in the way errors are handled,
- in the coherence between what is celebrated and what is sanctioned.
As Edgar Schein reminds us, a culture is made up of behaviors that are repeated and validated by the system.
When you align your rituals, decisions and symbols with your stated values, unity becomes tangible. You don’t ask people to join, you make them want to contribute.
From persuasion to mobilization
Going back to Cialdini today is not an archeological marketing exercise.
It’s about recognizing that these seven levers touch on something deeply human… and consciously deciding how you want to use them.
You can use them to push, squeeze, force your hand.
Or you can transform them into levers of connection:
- recognize rather than haggle,
- align yourself rather than justify yourself,
- clarify rather than agitate,
- listen rather than impose,
- co-construct rather than copy,
- be sincere rather than pleasing,
- cultivate a living culture rather than brandishing values.
This is where leadership changes its nature: you no longer try to get people to say “yes” at all costs.
You create the conditions so that the people around you can say a real, thoughtful, responsible “yes”, and sometimes a well-argued “no” that makes the system grow.
What’s next?
Connect the dots! Put it all back together:
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in the way you give feedback,
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in the way you launch a project,
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in the way you handle disagreements and resistance.
Rereading Cialdini’s principles in the light of conscious leadership means taking them to where it all really matters: in your decisions, your conversations, your daily trade-offs.
You’ve got it: in the current context, I recommend that you move away from the notion of power over “con-vaincre” and position yourself as a power-with, without betraying who you are, in order to mobilize the intelligence of the people around you.
That’s where your leadership becomes positively contagious.
And that’s where I send you all my gratitude, because in this way you’re helping to build a less violent and warlike world 😉.
