As a coach, I often hear the same question from my clients:
“How can I influence my male colleagues without having to speak louder than them?”
“How do I respond when someone explains my own topic in a meeting?”
Behind it all, there’s always the same desire: to be listened to, respected and taken seriously, without turning into someone they don’t recognize.
For me, influencing in the feminine is not about manipulating or crushing.
It’s about creating movement in others while remaining aligned with yourself.
When Camille disappears at a meeting
Camille is a manager in an all-male team. In a coaching session, she confides in me:
“In a meeting, I throw out an idea and no one reacts.
Ten minutes later, a colleague says almost the same thing, and then everyone thinks it’s great.
I leave frustrated, tired… and angry with myself for not having said anything.”
He also sometimes experiences mansplaining:
“They explain my own subject to me, as if I were a trainee.”
Nothing “spectacular”, never “serious enough” to cause a scandal… but repetitive enough to dent his confidence.
With Camille, we didn’t work on making her “tougher” or more masculine! No: I trained Camille to influence in a different way, in these very concrete situations.
1. Clarify your intention to influence
I often start with this question:
“What do you really want to achieve in these meetings?”
Camille wanted :
- his ideas to be discussed,
- that its expertise be recognized,
- maintain a proper working relationship with colleagues.
From then on, we’re no longer trying to “be right against them”, but to steer the conversation in a useful direction.
2. Prepare your influence before the meeting
Most of the work is done before entering the room.
a) Clarify your message
Before taking action, ask yourself what you want!
“If you had to get only one message across in this meeting, what would it be?” I asked Camille.
His answer:
“The key point I want to make today is that the project is not tenable without adapting the load.”
One sentence. Clear. Aligned. Powerful.
b) Anchoring yourself in your body
Before speaking, “settle down”, take your place.
- Posture, breathing, gaze: the body speaks before words.
- Sit up straight. Place feet on floor.
- Breathe slowly before speaking.
- Put your couroone on your head.
It’s a way of silently saying, “I belong here.
c) Finding an ally
I often recommend identifying an ally in the room (male or female) and saying to them beforehand:
“If you hear an idea I’m tossing around that goes out the window, can you help me get it back on the table?”
Influence isn’t always a one-man show.
3. When someone cuts you off
With Camille, we prepared short sentences that could be pronounced even under stress.
When interrupted :
Quiet version
“I’m just finishing my sentence, then I’ll leave you in charge.”
Firmer version
“Let me finish, then I’ll take your point of view.”
The aim is not to ridicule the other person, but to set a clear framework: “my word is legitimate, I’ll finish it.”
4. When a colleague repeats your idea… and reaps the rewards
Classic scenario: you suggest something, silence.
Later, a colleague rephrases, and everyone applauds.
Camille used to keep quiet or make a joke.
Now she practices what I call gentle appropriation:
Bouncing back without aggression
“Yes, that’s exactly what I was proposing earlier, and I think we can make it a reality by…”
Recalling the thread of the discussion
“To repeat what I said at the beginning of the meeting, the idea is to…”
She no longer justifies herself. She simply reclaims her place in the conversation.
5. Faced with mansplaining? naming without exploding
Mansplaining is the way they explain your own subject to you, or translate it for others, as if you didn’t know how to speak.
With my clients, we work on answers that name the situation without going to war:
Factual reframing
“Thank you, this is precisely my scope for X years, I can share with you where we are concretely.”
Mirror question
“What makes you think this point was unclear in what I just presented?”
Light humor (relationship permitting)
“I can see you love this subject, so do I, that’s why I’m flying it. Shall I show you where we are?”
The message behind it is simple: “I’m competent. I’ll keep my place.”
6. Expressing yourself means printing outside!
What I observe with my clients is that their true power of influence is revealed when they dare :
Speaking in “I
“What I observe in the field is…” “What’s important to me here is…”
Linking the rational and the human = figures + human impact (team, customers, quality).
Assuming and clarifying limits
“With this workload, I can’t guarantee quality.
If we want it to work, we have to either shift or remove something.”
It’s not about “being complicated”, it’s about taking responsibility for reality.
7. No, I’m not a genius at replicating!
Do you think I’m a genius at repartee? Of course not.
Behind it all, there’s a method. A method that I teach my clients, and which can be summed up in one word: B.R.A.I.N.
It’s a simple model of influence that I’m adapting for women:
B – Bridging
Bridging the gap: listening, curiosity, recognition.
“I see the subject interests you.”
R – Rationalize
Rely on facts, concrete elements, the field.
“This is an ambitious project, and today the team is already at 110%.”
A – Asserting (expressing yourself)
Setting limits, setting limits, making demands.
“I’ll finish my sentence, then I’d love to hear your point of view.”
I – Inspire
Open up a motivating perspective, remind us of the “why”.
“If we adjust now, we give ourselves a real chance of succeeding with this project without burning out the team.”
N – Negotiate
Seeking common ground, proposing options.
“If we want to make it work, we can either shift some tasks or reduce the scope. Which do you think is more realistic?”
An example of B.R.A.I.N.
facing a colleague who cuts you off or explains your own subject:
B – Bridging
“I see the subject interests you.”
R + A – Streamline & Affirm
“That’s precisely my perimeter for several years, I’m finishing up and then I’m up for your point of view.”
I + N – Inspire & Negotiate
“If you want, we can dig together after the meeting, it can really enrich the project.”
So, you see, influencing isn’t a superpower reserved for a few “very confident” women. It’s just a brain, a B.R.A.I.N., and a few prepared phrases.
8. A question for you
Next time you walk into a meeting, instead of asking yourself:
“Will they listen to me?”
try another question:
“What would a 10% more influential version of myself do differently, now?”
Sometimes that 10% is :
- a sentence you’ve prepared
- a look you’ll never look away from
- or the simple fact of not sitting back down at the first mansplaining.
This is where, for me, the female influence really begins.
