Oh dear, that super unpleasant feeling of being overwhelmed, swept away by a tsunami of things to do and deal with.
Of course you want to be brilliant! And you also know that it’s in the details that excellence lies. So you have too much to do. You know it, and yet you keep adding, filling in.
I’ve got a coaching question for you: is it possible that you’ve imprinted the idea that “full is serious”? That to say yes is to be competent? That to stop is to lose ground? Or that serving and caring for your environment is what’s expected of you?
The problem isn’t time, it’s choice
I’ve just reread Greg McKeown’sEssentialism for the tenth time. Two million copies sold, translated into forty languages! McKeown spent years observing capable, ambitious and intelligent people who continued to lose focus. His diagnosis can be summed up in a few words: it’s not a problem of time, it’s a problem of choice.
Here’s another coaching question: what‘ s really essential for me right now?
I wouldn’t be surprised if you got stuck looking for the answer. Your brain is connecting to another network, but it can’t find the Wi-Fi right away… Let me put forward a hypothesis: most of the things you focus on aren’t really essential. Not because they’re useless, but because they’re not YOUR priorities, but rather those of others (manager, colleague, collaborator).
The matrix and the meaning trap
Just yesterday, during a leadership training session, I was talking about a tool that is widely known but not always well understood: the Eisenhower matrix. It enables us to arbitrate between urgency and importance. At work, what’s important is what serves your role, your raison d’être and your mission.
Yet for many women, discriminating between what’s important and what’s not remains theoretical. We’ve learned to put meaning and value into everything. We know how to justify every effort, ennoble every request, integrate every constraint. By dint of seeing meaning in everything that comes our way, we end up choosing nothing and simply enduring. Hence the feeling of being swept along by an enormous wave…
Seeking value in every task is not a skill, it’s a dispersion. This is where the trivial devours the vital and exhausts us.
Without a “container”, energy is dispersed. As it leaks everywhere, it builds nothing. The remedy? Clarity. You need to set clear roadblocks and limits to contain your daily energy capital.
That’s why we ask you to set clear intentions and goals every morning: they simplify your choices and make you more efficient. I remind you that deciding is what costs the most neural energy, silently, every day.
Saying no is a direction
Remember that quote: “To choose is to die a little”? In reality, every “yes” you say without really choosing it with your heart is a “no” you say to something essential. You’re sacrificing something, without even knowing what.
Explore before choosing. Then decide. Cut with the tranquility of one who knows what she is protecting. Rest precedes discernment. Without space, we react. By creating space, we are better able to decide.
Here are my daily mantras:
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I don’t put myself under stress.
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I’m not here to please others.
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10 seconds of discomfort for a healthy relationship.
How do you put it concretely?
Because between intention and action, there’s often a fear of hurting, here’s a quick reminder of how to say no. In 80% of cases, I use structures that validate the other person while protecting my essential self.
Try this:
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“I’d love to humor you, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
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“I understand your priority, but I can’t answer it.”
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“I’d love to meet your expectations, but I don’t have the availability.”
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“I hear your need, but it’s not part of my mandate.”
You get the idea? We don’t justify or apologize excessively. We make a clear statement.
20 essentialist principles
I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that I regularly reread this list when I feel it starting to go off the rails…
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Do less, but better
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If you don’t choose your priorities, someone else will.
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Distinguish between the trivial and the vital.
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Without clarity, energy is dispersed.
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A clear objective simplifies decision-making.
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Saying yes to everything means saying no to the essentials.
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Success attracts too many options.
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Deleting is more important than adding.
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Protecting your time is a responsibility.
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Compromises dilute impact.
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Eliminate even good options.
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Explore before choosing, then decide without hesitation.
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Rest allows you to think clearly.
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Curiosity feeds good decisions.
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Simplifying systems makes action easier.
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Routines reduce decision fatigue.
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Anticipating obstacles avoids blockages.
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Move forward in small, steady steps.
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Daily discipline.
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Regain control by focusing on the essentials.
Since we’re humans with our failings, it takes willpower to hold on to our essential principles. (Mind you, the older you get, the easier it is, I find) And since you’re bound to give in, when you do, simply ask yourself what made you give in… Just to spot the triggers, so you can look the other way when they come back!
Before moving on, I suggest three actions:
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Write down just one thing you could take away from your week. Not postpone. Withdraw.
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Identify your most essential goal right now. The one that really matters – not the one that screams the loudest.
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Ask yourself tomorrow morning: what’s really essential today?
What do you choose first – and why?
Source: Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Crown Business, 2014.
