I may be on the bright side of things, but sometimes I fall into the dark side, just like anybody else.
We all do! A mistake in a document? A computer glitch? Colleagues showing up late for your 8:30 AM video call? These little things can easily trigger frustration. Ignoring them? Well, that’s just denial, and as they say, “Houston, we have a problem!”
Like many people, you’re probably poisoning your environment more often than you realize. To avoid spreading negativity to those you care about—and to those you work with—here are two crucial questions to ask yourself, along with some practical techniques to reset.
Make Your List!
We all have things that annoy us—it’s only human. So, grab a pen and list everything that irritates or frustrates you, whether at work or at home. You might even get a laugh out of it! Annoyance, frustration, or even anger is an emotion that builds up in your body, often turning into discomfort. These feelings shape the way you communicate, sometimes without you even realizing it.
The Japanese Have a Term for This:
Yatsuatari (八つ当たり)
It literally means “to attack in all eight directions.” Unleashing your frustration indiscriminately on those around you. Now, maybe you don’t blow up eight times in a row, but you get the idea. Do you ever do this?
What’s Your Intention? Here’s why we need to change the internal algorithm:
“When I feel emotional discomfort,
I relieve it by taking it out on others.”
Change Your Perspective
This approach leads you to serve up red flags: negative emotions like blame, accusation, or attempts to control others. These emotions often bounce back, like a boomerang, affecting your relationships. But if you tweak that internal algorithm, you can avoid spreading negativity. Here’s a better one:
“When I feel emotional discomfort, I name it,
take a deep breath, and drink a cool glass of water.”
Imagine standing up, opening a window for fresh air, or going for a walk to calm yourself. The key is to stop the emotional tension from spreading to others.
Once you’ve calmed yourself, connect with your best self to serve “green” emotions: curiosity, openness, active listening, and respect.
Red or Green? What kind of cocktail will you serve today?🤔
