As a woman, have you ever hesitated to try something, simply because you weren’t sure you could do it?<\/p> \n
I have. And I\u2019ve lost count of how many brilliant women I\u2019ve worked with who feel exactly the same. <\/p> \n
It’s not a lack of ambition or talent. It’s the fear of female failure<\/strong>, often silent but very real, that holds back theaudacity<\/strong> of even the most competentwomen<\/strong>. <\/p>
\n It has nothing to do with temperament. It has a history. It crept into us very early on – in our upbringing, our role models, our rewards, our corrections. <\/p>
\n\r\n \u00a0<\/p>
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\n Over time, we began to tie our worth to our ability to avoid mistakes. And that\u2019s a poison to ambition.<\/p>
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\n What I want to share with you here is what the research says, but also what I see in the field: women are no less daring. They’re just often \u00a0<\/p>
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\n Far from being an impression, this reality is well documented.<\/p>
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\n PISA 2018 data<\/strong>, collected from over 400,000 teenagers in 63 countries<\/strong>, shows that 15-year-old girls report a significantly higher fear of failure<\/strong> than boys.<\/p>
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\n They are more likely to avoid situations where they might make a mistake, and this anxiety has a direct impact on their psychological well-being and commitment to school.<\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
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\n A striking paradox emerges: the more advanced a countr<\/strong>y is in terms of equality, the wider the gap.<\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
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\n Why is this? Because in places where girls are supposed to have “every opportunity,” failure becomes even more stigmatizing. \u201cYou have all the keys\u2014don\u2019t mess it up.\u201d <\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
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\n The implicit pressure rises. So does the fear of falling short.<\/p>
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\n Researchers Eriksson and Strimling (2023) speak of a cumulative effect<\/strong>: high expectations combined with rigid social norms reinforce this fear in girls, even in the most supportive environments…<\/p>
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\n In other words, it’ s far from a question of personal willpower.<\/strong> \u00a0<\/p>
\n Behind this early fear of failure lies a phenomenon well known in developmental psychology<\/strong>: gender-differentiated attribution bias<\/strong>.<\/p>
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\n \u27a1\ufe0f The girls are congratulated for their behavior and precision<\/strong>;<\/p>
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\n \u27a1\ufe0f The boys, for their initiative, courage and risk-taking<\/strong>.<\/p>
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\n When a girl succeeds, she is often told “You’re very clever”.<\/p>
\n When she fails: “You don’t have the skills”.<\/p>
\n This sets up a pernicious logic: performance becomes an indicator of personal worth<\/strong>. According to Carol Dweck<\/strong>, this feeds what she calls a fixed mindset<\/em><\/strong> ( where mistakes become proof of identity failure, rather than an opportunity to learn.<\/strong> <\/p>
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\n The consequences are manifold: perfectionism<\/strong>, fear of criticism<\/strong>, self-censorship<\/strong> and anxious procrastination<\/strong>.<\/p>
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\n Studies show that girls censor themselves as early as middle school: they don’t dare raise their hand if they’re not sure of their answer.<\/p>
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\n Boys, on the other hand, test, dare, make mistakes and … learn.<\/p>
\n This early conditioning feeds what is now known as the perfection syndrome<\/strong>, a pattern in which the fear of female failure sets in from childhood and continues to hold back women’s ambition into adulthood.<\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
\n Tu pourrais croire qu\u2019en grandissant, on s\u2019en lib\u00e8re. Dans beaucoup d\u2019entreprises, les femmes doivent constamment prouver qu\u2019elles m\u00e9ritent leur place.<\/strong> \u27a1\ufe0f Un homme qui se plante ? Il a pris un risque. C\u2019est exactement ce que d\u00e9crit la Role Congruity Theory<\/strong> : les femmes sont jug\u00e9es \u00e0 la fois sur leurs r\u00e9sultats et sur leur conformit\u00e9 aux attentes de genre. (Si tu as particip\u00e9 \u00e0 mes ateliers \u201cRenforcer son leadership au f\u00e9minin\u201d<\/a>, tu sais d\u00e9j\u00e0 tout cela\u2026 <\/em>\ud83d\ude0a)<\/em><\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
\n M\u00eame \u00e0 l\u2019universit\u00e9, \u00e7a commence t\u00f4t.<\/p>
\n Ce n\u2019est pas un \u00e9chec : c\u2019est un signal d\u2019alarme identitaire.<\/strong><\/p>
\n Alors oui, on avance. Dans le monde du travail comme dans l\u2019\u00e9ducation, la peur de l\u2019\u00e9chec f\u00e9minin<\/strong> reste un frein invisible \u00e0 l\u2019ambition des femmes<\/strong>. Tant qu\u2019on ne red\u00e9finit pas ce que signifie \u201c\u00e9chouer\u201d, on continuera \u00e0 limiter leur champ d\u2019action.<\/p>
\n \u00a0<\/p>
\n This conditioning is not inevitable. Because no, it’s not just in our heads<\/em>. So what can you do?<\/p>
\n Can we change a culture so deeply imprinted on our collective unconscious? Cesser de f\u00e9liciter uniquement les r\u00e9sultats parfaits, et commencer \u00e0 valoriser l\u2019effort, l\u2019audace, la progression : Normaliser l\u2019erreur : ne pas l\u2019effacer, mais en faire un passage, pas une faute.<\/strong><\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n Dire clairement : \u00ab Ce n\u2019est pas ton niveau de comp\u00e9tence qui est en jeu, c\u2019est un apprentissage. \u00bb<\/em><\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n<\/ul>
\n Prendre conscience de nos biais de jugement : se demander si on r\u00e9agirait de la m\u00eame fa\u00e7on face \u00e0 un homme.<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n Cr\u00e9er des espaces de feedback o\u00f9 l\u2019imperfection est autoris\u00e9e<\/strong> \u2014 o\u00f9 on apprend \u00e0 apprendre.<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n Encourager le partage des erreurs, les retours d\u2019exp\u00e9rience honn\u00eates, sans disqualification ni honte.<\/strong><\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n<\/ul>
\n On n\u2019a pas besoin de chouchouter.<\/p>
\n Nous ne changerons pas les choses entre femmes. Pas seules.<\/p>
\n Car ces m\u00e9canismes \u2014 jugements implicites, attentes asym\u00e9triques, doubles standards<\/strong> \u2014 ne sont pas \u201cdes histoires de filles\u201d. Ce sont des normes collectives<\/strong>. Les hommes \u2014 p\u00e8res, conjoints, professeurs, coll\u00e8gues, dirigeants, coachs \u2014 ont un r\u00f4le essentiel \u00e0 jouer. observer leurs propres biais,<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n \u00e9couter sans se d\u00e9fendre,<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n poser des questions,<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n corriger quand il le faut.<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n<\/ul>
\n Et ce, dans des situations aussi vari\u00e9es que :<\/p>
\n les recrutements,<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n les feedbacks,<\/p>
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\n les r\u00e9unions (o\u00f9, trop souvent, une id\u00e9e n\u2019est entendue que lorsqu\u2019un homme la r\u00e9p\u00e8te).<\/p>
\n<\/li>
\n<\/ul>
\n Messieurs, cette invitation n\u2019est pas une accusation. Tu n\u2019es pas n\u00e9e avec la peur de l\u2019\u00e9chec. Mais rien n\u2019est fig\u00e9. Ce syndrome de la perfection<\/strong>, tu peux le d\u00e9construire. \u00c0 tester. Je ne dis pas que c\u2019est simple. Alors si tu t\u2019es reconnue dans ces lignes, rappelle-toi : Tu as le droit d\u2019essayer. \u2728 Et si tu veux aller plus loin : d\u00e9couvre le programme Life Work Brillance<\/strong><\/a>, qui t\u2019accompagne \u00e0 faire briller ta trajectoire sans t\u2019\u00e9puiser \u00e0 tout prouver.<\/p>
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\nResearch proves it: fear of failure hits girls harder \ud83d\ude28<\/h2>
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It’s a structural phenomenon<\/strong> – a form ofinvisible education<\/strong> which, from adolescence onwards, teaches girls to fear error rather than tame it.<\/strong><\/p>
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\nEarly conditioning: raising girls to perfection<\/h2>
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\nIn adulthood: judged more harshly, awaited with bated breath<\/h2>
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Qu\u2019une fois adultes, dipl\u00f4m\u00e9es, comp\u00e9tentes, l\u2019\u00e9galit\u00e9 est acquise<\/strong>. Mais non.
Cette peur de l\u2019\u00e9chec, install\u00e9e depuis longtemps, change de visage<\/strong>.
Elle devient plus subtile, plus insidieuse\u2026 mais toujours pr\u00e9sente.<\/p>
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On attend d\u2019elles qu\u2019elles soient \u00e0 la fois performantes, diplomates, inspirantes\u2026 sans jamais d\u00e9ranger.<\/strong><\/p>
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\u27a1\ufe0f Une femme ? Elle s\u2019est surestim\u00e9e.<\/p>
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Pas trop affirm\u00e9e, mais pas trop molle.
Pas trop directive, mais pas trop floue.
Et si tu sors des clous ? Tu le paies. Doublement.<\/strong><\/p>
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Claudia Goldin<\/strong> l\u2019a montr\u00e9 : d\u00e8s qu\u2019une \u00e9tudiante d\u00e9croche un 4 au lieu d\u2019un 5 sur 6, elle est bien plus susceptible qu\u2019un gar\u00e7on de changer de fili\u00e8re.
Pas parce qu\u2019elle n\u2019en est pas capable, mais parce qu\u2019elle interpr\u00e8te cette note comme une preuve qu\u2019elle n\u2019est pas l\u00e9gitime<\/strong>.<\/p>
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Mais pas \u00e0 armes \u00e9gales.<\/p>
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\nChanging the game: what we can do in concrete terms<\/h2>
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Once you see it, you can take it apart. And it starts with our everyday actions. <\/p>
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It’s in the words we use.
The expectations we formulate.
The looks we give.
Our actions, above all.<\/p>
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Yes. Not all at once. But together. <\/p>
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\nIn private life<\/h3>
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\u00ab Tu t\u2019es lanc\u00e9e. \u00bb \u00ab Tu as pers\u00e9v\u00e9r\u00e9. \u00bb \u00ab Tu as os\u00e9 tester quelque chose de nouveau. \u00bb<\/em><\/p>
\n<\/li>
\nAt work<\/h3>
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Mais on a besoin d\u2019\u00e9largir le droit \u00e0 l\u2019erreur<\/strong> pour toutes et tous.
Sinon, on continuera \u00e0 r\u00e9compenser les plus confiants, pas les plus comp\u00e9tents.<\/p>
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\nAnd what about the men?<\/h2>
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Et elles ne se renversent pas en vase clos.<\/p>
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Pas pour \u201csauver\u201d ou \u201csoutenir\u201d, mais pour devenir des alli\u00e9s conscients<\/strong> :<\/p>
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Vous ne pouvez pas savoir ce que vous ne savez pas.<\/strong>
Mais lorsque vous ouvrez les yeux sur ces m\u00e9canismes, tout le monde y gagne \u2014 les femmes, les \u00e9quipes, et les organisations.<\/p>
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\nTaking back the right to make mistakes<\/h2>
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Tu l\u2019as apprise.
Souvent tr\u00e8s t\u00f4t.<\/p>
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D\u2019abord en le nommant.
Puis en l\u2019affrontant.
Et surtout, en t\u2019autorisant \u2014 vraiment \u2014 \u00e0 \u00eatre en apprentissage.<\/strong><\/p>
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\u00c0 te tromper.
\u00c0 recommencer.<\/p>
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Mais je sais une chose : plus tu oses parler de ce qui te freine, plus tu lib\u00e8res ce qui te pousse.<\/strong><\/p>
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Tu n\u2019es pas seule.
Tu n\u2019es pas fragile.
Et tu n\u2019as pas \u00e0 \u00eatre parfaite pour \u00eatre l\u00e9gitime.<\/p>
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Et m\u00eame de te rater.
C\u2019est comme \u00e7a qu\u2019on avance.<\/p>
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